Comments on: What not to say to a cancer patient http://wildrosespirit.wordpress.com/2008/06/27/what-not-to-say-to-a-cancer-patient/ The story of my journey through breast cancer. Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:34:29 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Lisa http://wildrosespirit.wordpress.com/2008/06/27/what-not-to-say-to-a-cancer-patient/#comment-1021 Lisa Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:34:29 +0000 http://wildrosespirit.wordpress.com/?p=84#comment-1021 I wish that I could somehow have sent this to some of my friends at the beginning but people say what they say mostly because they mean well, but have no clue or they are just in their onw world. I had one friend who did her own version of "you will be fine". She belongs to a new age church and I felt that I was getting affirmations instead of an honest response. I finally sent her an email and told her that she was just making me angry because it felt like she was denying my reality and feelings. I also said that I need my friends right now and while I want to be as positive as I can, what I really need is to be able to be honest, get my real feelings out and to be heard and that I did not want to spend my time being angry with my friends. Fortunately, she got it, apologized and his been here supporting me by actually showing up and doing things for me. My point is that while I really relate to most of the feelings about things that are not helpful to hear, as with most things in life, it is up to us to take charge of our situation as best we can. For those that I care about, I give feedback on what I do and do not need to hear. For those I know professionally, I just try to hear the comments as they are intended and let it go even if I am sick of people telling me to be positive. Then there are the rest that I just avoid. Fortunately not too many of them. I wish that I could somehow have sent this to some of my friends at the beginning but people say what they say mostly because they mean well, but have no clue or they are just in their onw world. I had one friend who did her own version of “you will be fine”. She belongs to a new age church and I felt that I was getting affirmations instead of an honest response. I finally sent her an email and told her that she was just making me angry because it felt like she was denying my reality and feelings. I also said that I need my friends right now and while I want to be as positive as I can, what I really need is to be able to be honest, get my real feelings out and to be heard and that I did not want to spend my time being angry with my friends. Fortunately, she got it, apologized and his been here supporting me by actually showing up and doing things for me. My point is that while I really relate to most of the feelings about things that are not helpful to hear, as with most things in life, it is up to us to take charge of our situation as best we can. For those that I care about, I give feedback on what I do and do not need to hear. For those I know professionally, I just try to hear the comments as they are intended and let it go even if I am sick of people telling me to be positive. Then there are the rest that I just avoid. Fortunately not too many of them.

]]> By: Wild Rose http://wildrosespirit.wordpress.com/2008/06/27/what-not-to-say-to-a-cancer-patient/#comment-1020 Wild Rose Wed, 22 Jul 2009 04:55:03 +0000 http://wildrosespirit.wordpress.com/?p=84#comment-1020 I hope you were able to find my article on What To Say To A Person Who Has Cancer. You'll find it here: http://wildrosespirit.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/what-to-say-to-a-person-who-has-cancer/ I hope you were able to find my article on What To Say To A Person Who Has Cancer. You’ll find it here: http://wildrosespirit.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/what-to-say-to-a-person-who-has-cancer/

]]> By: Melissa http://wildrosespirit.wordpress.com/2008/06/27/what-not-to-say-to-a-cancer-patient/#comment-1018 Melissa Tue, 21 Jul 2009 17:19:53 +0000 http://wildrosespirit.wordpress.com/?p=84#comment-1018 It is great to know what not to say... but WHAT DO YOU SAY???? What words say I'm here for what ever you need! I believe in your power to fight this disease! Or when talking about her grandchildren, whom she is fighting this fight for (time to watch and enjoy them grow) what is helpful to her without giving her the feeling of loss ahead of time? What are the right things to say to someone fighting cancer? It is great to know what not to say… but WHAT DO YOU SAY???? What words say I’m here for what ever you need! I believe in your power to fight this disease! Or when talking about her grandchildren, whom she is fighting this fight for (time to watch and enjoy them grow) what is helpful to her without giving her the feeling of loss ahead of time?

What are the right things to say to someone fighting cancer?

]]> By: JBBC http://wildrosespirit.wordpress.com/2008/06/27/what-not-to-say-to-a-cancer-patient/#comment-1005 JBBC Sun, 17 May 2009 17:47:48 +0000 http://wildrosespirit.wordpress.com/?p=84#comment-1005 Hi, I enjoyed reading this piece, which you posted last year. You are so right but I suppose people just do not know what to say. I think your piece should be standard issue to friends and well-wishers as a guide to letting them know what they should/shouldn't say. I wrote a similar piece on the language of cancer at my own blog: http://beyondbreastcancer.wordpress.com/2009/04/08/the-language-of-cancer/ Wishing you continued health on your journey. Hi, I enjoyed reading this piece, which you posted last year. You are so right but I suppose people just do not know what to say. I think your piece should be standard issue to friends and well-wishers as a guide to letting them know what they should/shouldn’t say. I wrote a similar piece on the language of cancer at my own blog:
http://beyondbreastcancer.wordpress.com/2009/04/08/the-language-of-cancer/
Wishing you continued health on your journey.

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