Posted with my deepest gratitude. You’re the most wonderful friend a girl could have.
Friend: how ya doing
Me: Doing OK
Me: kind of a rough day
Me: But I’m OK now
Me: How about you?
Friend: working and it blows
Me: I’m working on tomorrow’s powerpoint
Me: I’d rather get drunk
Me: Life’s a bit sucky today
Me: I want to curl up in a ball and just cry
Me: I knew things would never be the same when I got the diagnosis, but I never thought the process of change would be so painful
Me: and permanent
Me: The scars don’t go away
Me: it would be better if they did, and I could forget
Me: and get on with life
Me: Can’t get life insurance
Me: Got a $200 parking ticket
Me: Eddie Bauer wants $100 in late fees
Me: they can all get fucked
Me: I’m writing a letter to the CEO of Eddie Bauer
Me: probably later today
Me: What scares me is that sometimes when all this crap gets to be too much, I feel like it isn’t’ worth trying to survive the cancer
Me: if life is just going to be more of this
Me: except with scars and pain
Me: missing body parts
Me: poison pumped into my arteries for four months
Me: for what?
Me: I mean, is it really worth it?
Me: It’s too hard
Friend: I don’t know what to tell ya
Me: I know, baby. I don’t think there’s an answer.
Me: Sometimes I just need someone to listen
Me: My life’s never been that great, nothing really to celebrate, I can expect to be forgotten except as a footnote on someone’s dissertation maybe
Me: I’m tired of fighting. Sometimes I wonder if I should just let go.
Friend: If you give up, I will find some butch lesbian to chase you around