Becoming the Crazy Cat Lady


The Crazy Cat Lady Trophy

The Discovery Channel offered this trophy a while back for those of us who are likely to end up with a houseful of cats instead of human companionship.

Given the terrible time I’ve had with housemates and room mates (most recently, a housemate raided my cabinet for cooking oil, knowing full well it was my stuff. He said that because I didn’t initial it, he didn’t know it was mine. Liar.)

If this is what it’s like to live with other humans, I think I will just get a houseful of cats.

That might be easier, anyway.

Where I once had a breast, I have a 5 inch scar. I have a smaller scar under my arm where my lymph nodes came out, and a scar under my collarbone on my right side where the surgeon put in my porta-cath (that’s coming out next week, by the way). I’m pretty scarred up.

My hair is only now beginning to grow back, but basically I have only razor stubble in a kind of tonsure (still not growing as fast on top). I was once very pretty, and didn’t look my age, but now my skin is very pale and dotted with red spots and an occasional red rash that looks really awful. I have dark circles around my eyes, especially when I have insomnia. I wear makeup to cover it a bit.

I’m not saying that all men are superficial, but I can’t imagine a man meeting me for the first time and saying, “Oh, I don’t care if you only have one breast and you’re scarred and bald!” I seriously can’t imagine that.

The one man who has sincerely said he didn’t care also wants to move to Nome, Alaska and live alone as a hermit.

I’ve read posts by women on the BCS forum who are dating after chemo, and it seems to be going well for them. But most of them have had reconstruction if they’ve had a mastectomy. If I get reconstruction, it won’t be until next spring (2009) when my new insurance will cover it. Let’s get real here, men want TWO boobs.

You might be able to fake the hair thing with a good wig taped on really well, but they will notice the missing boob. They will also notice that I’m 49 (I will be at the end of July) and that doesn’t help, either, when most men my age want younger women (read: Trophy Brides) with thin, hard, hot bodies and humongous silicone breasts.

Someone who looks like Angelina Jolie

I won’t ever look like this. Does it mean I’m doomed to be the Crazy Cat Lady?

Is this a good thing or a sad thing?

Will I focus on my work and my cats, and forsake human companionship?

I guess time will tell.


2 responses »

  1. One of my dearest friends married a woman who’d had a double mastectomy. She’s 13 years his senior. He’s verrrrrrry sexy. Think jump his bones in public places sexxxxxxxxxxy. Boobs are not a requirement for sex.

  2. p.s. whoi’d uh thunk ur ……….. of a certain age if you hadn’t said. damn, girl, wish I looked that good!!!

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